By Sakhi Development & Communications Interns Sehyr Bhattal, Farha Laskar, and Samsara Shrivastava
In a world where the media plays a significant role in shaping public perception, the language we use to gender-based violence (GBV) matters more than ever. The recent film adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s bestselling novel, It Ends With Us, is making headlines–not just for its $180 million box office success, but for the troubling way it handles the subject of intimate partner violence (IPV). The film, marked primarily as a romance, has sparked intense debate for its romanticization of abuse, despite Hoover’s original intentions to explore the complexities of such relationships.
Featuring Blake Lively as Lily and Justin Baldoni as Ryle, the story is of a seemingly perfect romance that turns abusive. The success of the film raises troubling questions about our collective understanding of the gravity of these issues.
The inadequacy of the way It Ends With Us deals with the discourse of IPV and GBV is seen through the storylines and content of the film. The film’s portrayal of an abusive relationship as something that can be “fixed” through patience and understanding perpetuates the harmful notion that survivors are responsible for managing or reforming those causing them harm. Furthermore, it is disappointing that the catalyst for the main character’s realization of her abuse came from another man from her past, reinforcing a harmful damsel in distress trope.
Language is fundamental in shaping our understanding of complex social issues, particularly regarding GBV and IPV. The words chosen to describe these experiences can validate and protect survivors or contribute to a culture of misunderstanding and victim-blaming. Using precise and respectful language when discussing GBV and IPV is necessary because it acknowledges the severity of these acts, affirms the experience of survivors, and fosters an environment where violence is unequivocally condemned.
Insensitive or inaccurate terminology can also cause significant harm. For example, when Lively responds to a question about how survivors can approach her regarding domestic violence with the rhetorical question, “Are we talking logistics, are we talking emotionally,” it trivializes the lived experiences of survivors. This type of language also perpetuates harmful myths that violence is normal or excusable in romantic relationships. Moreover, she has repeatedly referred to survivors as victims, demonstrating a fundamental lack of sensitivity and awareness. Despite the film partnering with The NO MORE Foundation, an organization that provides resources and information related to GBV and IPV, it appears the actors themselves have not been primed on how to approach IPV in trauma-informed ways.
In media and entertainment, the impact of language is amplified. Films, books, and other cultural products reach broad audiences and shape societal attitudes and norms. The creators of these products have a responsibility to educate themselves on the way gender-based violence and intimate partner violence should be approached. When this is not properly done, they contribute to a culture where violence is normalized and trivialized. This is particularly concerning when such portrayals are targeted at young or impressionable audiences, who may internalize harmful ideas about relationships and consent.
The Box office success of It Ends With Us is, in many ways, deeply disappointing. With such a high-profile cast, this film had the potential to spark a meaningful conversation about gender-based violence and intimate partner violence grounded in respect, empathy, and the proper use of language. Instead, what could have been a powerful moment to raise awareness and challenge harmful norms has been overshadowed by missed opportunities and careless remarks. The film’s financial triumph feels hollow when we consider what could have been achieved: a chance to genuinely educate audiences on the realities of abuse and the importance of addressing it with the gravity it deserves. As a society we must demand more from the media we consume–stories that entertain while uplifting and educating. Let’s hold those with a platform accountable to amplifying voices that need to be heard and bringing genuine support to those who need it most.